There are times when things just happen…

There are times when things just happen,
they happen to us and we have no influence.

We ask why? What did i do wrong? Why does it happen to me?
How will it be now?
Haw can I continue living with this lost?

We suffer..suffer..suffer..

Our thinking turns to a bloody bullfight in the darkness of the night.
Our own brain like an furious animal takes us straight on his horns and trow us around.
The darkness..
its getting sweaty and gets a bloody taste.
We are horrified by our own thoughts brutality.

They turn to a furious fighting bull.
The animal fallows us in the daytime, it gets stronger on our tears,
and it kills us - at night.

We fight, we are attacked, spiked on his horns, we fight for life..
eventually feeling lost already.
The pain is so strong
that - with the last strength we have- we wish to die, die, die!
Not to exist anymore! Stop this suffer,
stop it !!!

But horror continues.
The bull is in its best form now, it just got warm with the torture..
We fight..
..til
we jump up of the bed, put on the light
and breathe..
We breathe in
fear
and breathe out.. powerless pain.
Fear in, pain out, pain in fear out, fear in..
We breathe..
with a storm and thunder in our heart, and a rustle of the fight in our head.
We breathe, this we can`t stop, even though we wish.. sometimes.

But
i took the bull by its horns last night,
and killed him with repetition
of
such a simple sentences like;
I am lovely, live me alone,
I am an innocence human being that just lost something he loved.
Its not my fault, I did my best, I always do.
live me alone, I`m lovable,
live me alone..
with my emptiness,

I didn’t know that my own brain can be such a monster to me.
I didn’t know that emptiness can weigh so much fear.

I didn’t know anything

about life.

.

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